Proverbs 23:13-14 Do not withhold discipline from a child;
if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.
Punish them with the rod
and save them from death.

This is a very controversial passage, and it has been debated to the point of violence and lawsuits, not to mention ruptured relationships. People have been jailed for taking this literally, and it is certainly true that there have been and continue to be parents who take this far too far. After all, there are current cases of parents killing their own children! That said, abandoning discipline can be as destructive in the long run, just as this passage says. The whole question is, what is appropriate discipline for a child? That can get complicated, because every child is different. For some children, a strong word can be as devastating as a severe spanking would be for others. English translations mention “rod” here, but the Japanese says “whip.” That seems much more severe to me! The thing is, logic doesn’t work with a small child, so painful consequences need to follow dangerous or morally wrong actions. I’m reminded of something Dennis Prager has talked about. In his radio talk show, that spanned several decades, many time he asked people who had never used drugs why they hadn’t. The answer was invariably some variation on, “My mother would have killed me!” That is precisely what this passage is talking about. A little pain now can save someone from a lot of pain later. Hebrews famously says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11) Discipline isn’t just for children! This is also the principle for much of our legal system. If there is no unpleasant consequence for crime, it will multiply, as has certainly been seen in many areas in the US. Discipline is an essential response to the whole issue of human free will.

I know from experience that this is something every parent struggles with. My parents did a good job generally, but they too were sometimes deceived by the ideas of the day. I remember being required to sit in a chair for a “thinking session.” (Today, they’re most often called a “time out.”) The problem was, with my active imagination, that was no hardship, because I’d just sit there and have some wild adventure in my mind! Corporal punishment was far more effective for me. I didn’t do a perfect job with my own children, as I’m sure they would testify, but it doesn’t seem to have been too far off the mark. They in turn have disciplined their own children. I observed an incident with our younger daughter and her older son that I often quote to young couples. The child was 14 months old and not yet verbal, but a very active, healthy child. I had just met him, since they lived in the US at that point and my wife and I lived in Japan, but had gone for a visit, precisely to meet him. I was impressed by what a happy child he was, and about the third day I found out why. He and my wife and I were playing on the floor of their living room, and he stuck his hand into the valve area for their gas fireplace – for which he had been scolded before. Cathy exclaimed over the situation, and our daughter looked over from the kitchen and, seeing what was happening, said, “Trevor! NO!” He immediately pulled away from the valve with a very guilty look on his face – quite cute, actually! Our daughter then said, “Mom, would you slap his hand for me?” Hearing that, Trevor extended his left hand and slapped it with his right! He had been appropriately disciplined before, and he knew what he had done. That was precisely why he was such a happy child: appropriate discipline had demonstrated to him that his parents loved and cared for him. All parents need to learn that appropriate discipline is an essential expression of love to their children.

Father, thank You for Your appropriate discipline of me. Help me recognize it when it comes, and learn the lessons You teach me through it, so that I may be a better son to You indeed, for Your glory. Thank You. Praise God!