Psalm 26:2 Test me, Lord, and try me,
    examine my heart and my mind.

This is a very dangerous prayer, but it is one of faith. David was probably a bit over-confident when he prayed it, but his heart was in the right place nonetheless. Psalm 139:23 says essentially the same thing with a little less pride, and it has been set to music several times. The point is, we don’t know ourselves fully or perfectly, but God does, and He loves us anyway. He takes us through various experiences so that we will learn more about ourselves and about Him, and in the process commit ourselves more fully to Him. It is when we react badly to the discoveries we make that they become dangerous. It is when our commitment is to God in the first place that trials become blessings, because they open our eyes to God and to ourselves as things really are, and there’s nothing bad about that. It is when we try to keep up pretenses in spite of all God shows us that we suffer the most damage. We need to say, “God, thank You for showing me this weakness in me. Help me repent in truth, to see genuine change so as to become more like Your Son, for Your glory.” If we will do that, every trial will become a step closer to Him, and that is wonderful indeed.

I have written many times about when God, for a brief moment, showed me a mirror to see the state of my own soul. I totally collapsed, but that was an entirely appropriate response, because I had been walking in blind, stupid pride. God has showed me things about myself since that have again humbled me, and I am grateful. I was thankfully raised with an awareness of God’s love that enabled me to understand that my actions couldn’t shake that love, they just impac­ted my ability to receive it. I don’t want anything to stand between me and God’s love! That’s why Paul could write both that we are more than conquerors, regardless of our circumstances, (Romans 8:37-39) and also that that he could rejoice in all sorts of negative circumstances, because they gave opportunity for God’s power to be manifested. (2 Corinthians 12:10) Japan has a long tradition of “public face” and “true self,” but I must not be that way. I am to be honest with myself, with God, and with all the people around me, because God has already dealt with the worst that is in me through the cross of Christ. I am to let Him wash all that away to bring out all that He has created me to be, for His glory.

Father, thank You for this reminder. Thank You for how You keep working on me, chipping or grinding away the rough spots. Help me cooperate with that process and not resent it, so that I may grow at the speed You intend, for Your glory. Thank You. Praise God!