1 Timothy 3:5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)

This parenthetical comment, stuck into an exposition on Church leadership, could hardly be more timeless and timely. As comes out again and again, family relationships are God’s idea, which is why the devil attacks them so strongly. Ephesians 5 is clear that the relationship of a husband and wife is to be a mirror of that between Christ and the Church, and there are countless places throughout the Bible that speak of God as our Father. That’s why the “epidemic of fatherlessness” on the human level is so tragic, as well as demonic: if we have no human father, and no right relationship with him, we will have great difficulty believing in and relating to our Heavenly Father. That is exactly the devil’s goal. This particular verse is addressing this issue from the father’s side and pointing out its importance. Paul puts it as a rhetorical question, because the answer seems so obvious. If we can’t handle the relationships in our biological family correctly, then how can we handle the relationships in our church family? And it’s worth noticing here that Paul doesn’t use “love” in this discussion. It isn’t that love isn’t expected and important within a family, but that if our focus is on emotions, we’re likely to mess everything up. This is a point that Dennis Prager mentions from time to time. He has two sons, one biological and one adopted. The adopted one was born to a meth addict mother, but was adopted by the Pragers at birth. He obviously had a genetic predisposition to addiction, and got into alcohol and drugs into his teens. However, Dennis didn’t coddle him, and he eventually came out of it and is currently very effective as an addiction counselor. He was the guest on a recent episode of Dennis’ Fireside Chat program, and the mutual respect and love between them was obvious. Those who are in church leadership are to say and do everything in love, but that must be on the foundation of respect. Parents who don’t raise their children to respect them are doing them a horrible disservice and incubating untold tragedies. Pastors are to do the same, or the Church will fall apart.

Since I’ve been a pastor for over half my life, and a father for longer than that, I can’t say this doesn’t apply to me! I am very thankful to have had a human father who took parenting seriously, though he was at times distracted by his huge load of other responsibilities. He didn’t do a perfect job, but then no father does, I would think. My own children have turned out such that I am proud of them, and I think justifiably so. My spiritual children have been a mixed bag. They run all the way from some in full-time ministry to others who have totally disappeared, in my observation at least. I have been more hesitant to apply discipline in the church context than in the family context, and that hasn’t always been good. (Of course, church members don’t have the same automatic connection to me that my biological children do.) I am to seek the good of the church just as I do for my family, and be willing to make the same sacrifices. Delegating responsibility is a continuing challenge for me, but God is faithful even when I’m not. This is something I’ll be involved in for the rest of my life, because even when I retire from the pastorate, my children will still be my children, both biological and spiritual. I am constantly dependent on God’s wisdom and guidance, and I must never forget it.

Father, thank You for this reminder. Our local church family is growing at this point. I pray that my relationship with each member will be exactly as You desire and intend, for their blessing and Your glory. Thank You. Praise God!