Philippians 1:20-21 I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

In verses 22-23 Paul asks the same existential question Shakespeare put in the mouth of Hamlet: “To be, or not to be?” However, Paul has essentially answered it before he asks it, and his answer is obedience to Christ. Probably everyone faces this question multiple times in their life. Some take the decidedly self-centered path of suicide, refusing to credit the claims others might have on them, not realizing they are denying the ultimate claim: that of their Creator. Probably few people who commit suicide have a clear focus on heaven; they just want to get out of their current circumstances. Paul, on the other hand, had been given a vision of heaven that was too glorious for words, (2 Corinthians 12:2-4) so he knew what lay ahead of him. That was doubtless what created such a pull on him. In spite of that, his commitment was to Christ, to serving Him and proclaiming His Gospel, for His glory. That is certainly the kind of life that, when God says it’s time, earns the accolade, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

In my college days I seriously considered suicide, and actually it has crossed my mind quite a few times in the years since then. That’s not at all to say I haven’t enjoyed life in general, but the thought has arisen when circumstances seemed to be more trouble than they were worth. I’ve never been particularly afraid of death itself, but choosing it over serving God on this earth would certainly seem to be self-defeating if my goal is heaven with God! I have dealt with many suicidal people over the years, and a few have succeeded. In every case, the focus was on themself; suicide is ultimately selfish. Dealing with the aftermath of suicide is certainly a painful experience, and sometimes that is exactly the goal of the person who commits it; they want to inflict pain on the people around them, so they turn it on their own bodies. They don’t understand that suicide is spitting in God’s face. I knew one man who was a Christian, though he had emotional problems. He had previously attempted suicide by hanging, but the cord he used broke, and he wasn’t successful. In talking about it with me a few years after that, he said that when he jumped off of the chair, in his heart he was crying out, “Jesus!” I think Jesus answered him, in making the cord break! As I have commented recently, life is complicated, but suicide is never the right answer. I need to have my own focus on Christ, and seek to lead others to do the same. Only then will death, when God says it’s time, actually be gain.

Father, thank You for Your grace. As I was realizing yesterday, it’s often the little things that create the biggest problems. Help me wear Your armor indeed and press forward, looking forward to all that You will do in and through me for the sake of Your kingdom and for Your glory. Thank You. Praise God!